How the Pig Kiln 3000 came to be...

Once upon a time (2004), in a land far, far away (Washington DC), on this magical little street just a few blocks away from the Capitol building called Duddington Place, the Pig Kiln was born like most other great inventions: out of necessity. You see, each year, Duddington Place throws one helluva block party (www.duddingtontonplace.com). In fact, this is the largest and longest running block party in Washington, DC. There are pony rides and a DJ and the fire company comes and opens hydrants, etc. And of course, there is a big feast for dinner. And in an effort to keep improving the block party, it was decided that a pig roast would be a nice addition to the festivities.

But the block party, having a very limited budget, could not afford to hire a professional pig cooker or caterer. And since no one had a trailer hitch, we couldn't even go pick up a rental (not that there are exactly a lot of mobile pig cooker rental shops on Capitol Hill anyway.) Figuring that all we really needed was a means to keep in some heat around a pig, we decided to try building a pig cooker of our own. And since our welding skills had much to be desired, we opted for wood as our material. It's cheap and easy to work with. And as long as you don't get any flame directly on it, it can withstand a good bit of heat before spontaneously combusting.

So we talked to the butcher, figured out how big a pig is, and set about putting together what amounts to a wooden coffin with a vaulted lid. And turns out the damn thing actually worked! More or less. The Pig Kiln was born.

The first rendition of the Pig Kiln had a lot to be desired. It was almost all scrap wood, had no hinges, and ended up burning through in many places. (Though for what it's worth, it still produced one of the best tasting pigs we've had so far!) That was going to be that. But because these are city streets and no one on the block had any place to store this monstrosity, we had to get rid of it. So an ad was posted on Criagslist (If you're searching for pig cookers on the internet, we assume you're the kind of person already quite familiar with Craigslist) and low and behold, some poor sap actually agreed to pay us $100 for this contraption. The first Pig Kiln sale!

A year goes by and a far more refined Pig Kiln is created, used, and is again sold--this time to a frat house (and by 'sold' we mean 'traded for beer.') And get this: the same poor sap who bought the original Pig Kiln calls up and wants us to come build another Pig Kiln for him! Who are we to turn down an invitation to a pig roast. So by now, we're starting to get the hang of the basics of this thing and are working on the refinements. Word spreads of our pigtacular invention and we build a few more pig cookers for other pig roasts.

Now, dozens of Pig Kilns later, we have this thing down to a science. We've shed blood, sweat and tears in our research and development efforts so that you don't have to. The Pig Kiln 3000 represents our latest and greatest pig cooking apparatus. This thing is a finely tuned, well oiled machine at this point (legal note: don't oil the pig cooker! It will cause it to catch on fire!) And now, to all those neh-sayers out there who said we couldn't build a wooden pig cooker: we bite our thumbs at you! Alas, the Pig Kiln 3000 is the premier pig cooking device of modern society. One small step for pork. One giant leap for man kind.

 

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Want to build your own Pig Kiln 3000? Buy the plans for just $14.95. Even if you never follow through, it will make for a good bar story.